Gran Turismo 5 - Driving Simulator

What the fuck? Gran Turismo 5? You know, it wasn't until quite some time ago that I had no idea that there was even a Gran Turismo 5 in the making! I didn't even realize there were more past the first 2! So I went to my local gaming boutique to see what this hyped-up shit is all about and I see a "Gran Turismo 5 Prologue" sitting on the fucking shelf. "Prologue?" I thought to myself. Why would anyone think it to be reasonable to release a demo...FOR MONEY? Ok, ok, I get it. Money makes everything better right? And you fucks who made this game knew that people would pay for this shit right? Well...yeah, you are...but you know what? I expected more.

It was because of the 'Prologue' game that got me interested in racing simulators again. I gave up on them because they always seemed impossible to me, but when I saw the demo for Gran Turismo 5, it brought back that spark - it made me want to play again.

But what did I fucking get when the game actually came out? Shit. Disappointment. Discontent. I mean what the fuck were they thinking?!

I can already see that whoever's bright idea it was to make the goal of the game to collect all 1000+ cars, had to have been autistic or at least have known or have been close to someone who was! I mean, I just DO NOT have the patience to purchase or get rewarded by another fucking car! How many different models must I have in order to progress through the game? I want to run races! I want to speed fast down a road while the soundtrack blares in my ear! I want to embrace the simulated night sky with the stars, as I smoothly cruise in to 1st place across the finish line! THIS is what I wanted! Not some excuse for a game that caters to everyone autistic, or who suffers from OCD!

I mean, this is one of the main problems I have with this fucking game! And from this problem stems even more!

I want to race. Simple. But in order to do that, I have to first earn a license by taking a test to see if I'm "qualified" to race. So because I'm not used to the fucking controls or how a particular model of a car works, I just barely squeeze by on all 10 tests, and I get my first license of the game.

So NOW I want to race. But no, first I need to purchase a particular model of a car in order to take part in a race. Ok, fine. I purchase a fucking Toyota - I don't fucking care how it looks, or what kind of suspension it has, I just want it to go fast, and I want to race.

So NOW I can race, right? Well I could if my car didn't fucking suck so much! Because I bought it fresh off the market, it needs some tuning up done to it! The only way I can race in other races is to increase my level, and in order to do that, I need a fast car to win races, otherwise, I won't be able to progress in this game. So, I spend my credits to tune up my Toyota.

So NOW I can finally race, right? Well yes. NOW I can. But not in the near future I 'aint! Because I either don't have a proper model of a car, level, or a specifically tuned car for my needs in order to win races.

But what's this? What's this odor I smell? Oh, that's right! It's the smell of BULLSHIT!

Because right now it isn't just what MODEL of a car I need, no, it's from what fucking COUNTRY it comes from, or from what YEAR it was made, or I CAN'T EVEN USE MY CAR BECAUSE IT'S TOO FUCKING FAST OR TOO FUCKING SLOW!!

So what do I do? I need to race more races! The same 5 races I've been racing on! Because in each circuit, or tournament or whatever, there are only 5 different tracks!

With the credits that I constantly spend on buying new cars, tuning them up or giving it an oil change, I don't have enough left over to actually spend them properly on shit that I need to PROGRESS!

Do you fucking see this word? PROGRESS! 

This is why I hate this fucking game so much! Because there is none! There is no indication of progress AT ALL! The license tests become close to impossible, the cars become obscenely expensive even from the used car shop, that the only way I figure to earn enough credits or practice is to constantly play the same 5 tracks over and over again until I start to bleed copies of Gran Turismo 5 out of my ass!

WHAT stopped the developers from focusing more on the gameplay, and less on collecting?

WHY didn't the developers make more tracks for the game? At least have the common courtesy to REVERSE the tracks at least!

HOW did this get marketed so fucking well? Does everyone I know who likes and bought this game all have OCD of some kind? Are they all autistic in some way?

Ok, ok, so you think I'm unreasonable huh? So, I'll tell you what. Here's my challenge to you!

Say that we were to play a game. A game of collecting. And say that you were to collect bottle caps. And for every 10 bottle caps you brought to me, I'd give you a plastic bottle top (the ones that pop bottles usually have). And say for every 50 plastic bottle tops you have, I'd give you $50 - but on the condition that you bring me ONLY 50 at a time.

One rule is that you MUST purchase all bottles that you get your caps from.

Now, say if the goal of this game, wasn't to see if you could get the most caps, or the most plastic tops, or even have the most money, but the goal was to see how long you could last.

Would you play this game with me? Would you even dare to? The truth of the matter is, I know you wouldn't. So my question to you is this:

WHY IN THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL PLAYING GRAN TURISMO 5?!