I pirate games!

Alright, so this might not make a lot of sense to people as to why I do it, but let me tell you a little bit of a back story OK? When I was a young child, I lived with a man who was so stingy, that if I wanted a juice box for my grade 1, elementary school lunch, then he would go to the nearest convenient store, pick up a no-name brand can of frozen juice for 30 cents, tell me to make it myself and put it in a cup so I can take it to school! Ok? That's how stingy my pappy was! Juinor juice? McCain? I didn't even know what this shit was, unless if I begged my mother on my knees, just so I could experience the joy of what it felt like to hold a cold thing of apple juice in my hands...but it doesn't end there!

When I got a bit older, I wanted a game system. Just ANY system, ok? My dad found it in his heart to give me an allowance of $2 a week! As tempting as it was to buy other things for myself I didn't, and in no less than 7 months of saving up was I able to buy myself a Sega Genesis and my first game, Sonic the Hedgehog 2!

I loved the fuck out of this game! But soon enough I got tired of just having one game...so I asked my dad for another, and he told me to "save up". So, about a month later I got a new game, and the next month, another one, ad infinitum until I reached the ripe age of 12 and had myself a newspaper carrying job.

It wasn't until this time I had control of my own money and knowing the freedom of working and earning my money and buying my own things that I could rightfully claim was mine and mine only!

But...something occurred to me.

I would go to my local game shop and see through the window: NEW GAME! PARAPPA THE RAPPER!

I was all, "Holy shit! I HAVE to buy it!" But I didn't have the money for it. So I decided to save up my hard-earned money only to find out that by the time I got it, the game was sold out and discontinued. 

"Oh well" I thought to myself.

Then it happened again: NEW GAME! HARVEST MOON 64!

I was like "Holy fuck! I HAVE to have it!" but I didn't have enough money for the game this time either, for the money I had last time was used to buy lunch for myself at school. So, I saved up my money for this fuck-awesome game, and by the time I had enough, guess what the fuck happened? Sold out - discontinued.

This happened over and over and over again until I got so fucking sick of this shit! 

I was literally tired of seeing all these wonderful new games and not being able to get them right away for I never have the money on hand, or my parents were far too stingy to get them for me. So one day, my friend introduced me to something AMAZING: an emulator! He explained how it can run ROMs of games that I could have had but never did and I didn't even have to pay a single penny for it. At first, I felt really bad, because I thought this was illegal, and I always had to keep it a secret from anyone else. I actually thought at one time that I was stealing these games from the companies that produced them.

Over time, I realized that, "Hey...would I really be stealing a game, which, at every available game store, was sold out and discontinued? How could I steal something that isn't even there?  Something that I was actually willing to pay for but I fucking couldn't, because the douches who work for Nintendo, and Sony, and Sega, all decided simultaneously, that their best-selling games had to be stopped!"

So by that time I decided, "Fuck 'em!" and I downloaded all the ROMs in the universe and I played the fuck out of all of them! 

I was so elated! I was so happy! I did not realize all the games I missed! I would be beating games left and right, I was having fun! I was...free.

But then...then there came something else...something...better.

Mods. Modifications. Mod chips.

This was the turning point in my adolescence where I decided, "You know, if games are so expensive that by the time I actually save money to buy one, three more come out, and they're all discontinued in less than a week's time, then what choice do I have, than to download them, and play them that way?" There was no way in hell I was going to be paying premium prices for shit on eBay on games that I could've got for half the price back in the day when game stores actually had the shit on the shelves!

But then...then came a day where I heard..."The whining of the pirates"!

People on websites, forums, even employees in actual game stores were talking about how piracy was bad, how it made you immoral, how it made you a thief, for stealing the games from the companies who are "hard at work and paying so much money in development" and how pirates are the ones that are stealing their profits from them!

So when I heard all this commotion, I was like, "WHAT?! Are you fucking kidding me?" So I kindly walked up to an employee at a game store and I asked, "What if these pirates couldn't afford the games?" then the bitch replied, "Well then they should get a job!", to which I then replied, "But what if the only jobs they can get are low-paying ones?" then the bitch foamed, "Then they should ask their parents for it!" to which I kindly responded, "What if their parents are stingy?" then the bitch had to think for a second to think things through to finally she said, "Well, piracy is stealing, and stealing is illegal!"

I could not believe the absolute gall on these people. I can only assume that everyone who have such high morals calling everyone else immoral for stealing, are people who had everything given to them when they were children, who inherited high paying jobs, or some kind of fortune, and get gifts from all their friends and all their relatives! It is this I have to assume, because if they did not get everything handed to them on a silver platter, I bet you anything they'd pirate shit too!

So to these ignorant dumb asses who would rather not empathize with pirates and rather call them names, I say, FUCK YOU! 

FUCK YOU HARD!